3 Zombie Orwell Reviews Resident Evil 2

Hello again and welcome to my second annual weekly installment of Zombie Orwell Plays Some Video Games in which I review things (like video games) from the perspective of a zombie. Which I am. Just like all of you. That’s why I can write from a zombie’s perspective, obviously.

All my regular readers know what’s up, but some of you may be first-timers. The setup is simple: I write about a game, you read my writings about a game, and you get offended that my world views don’t mesh with your own filthy opinions. And then you tell me how beautiful I am in the comments section.

Last time week I reviewed The Amy. This week I look upon Resident Evil 2.

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From what I can tell, it starts out in a peaceful zombie city that has been destroyed by robots who work for an anti zombie organization. I know this because I played the game and the first character you control is a robot police guy.

Obviously these robots aren’t very advanced because they move really awkwardly. If you want to turn a corner you have to press up to walk forward, then stop moving, then press left to turn left, then stop again, then press up to continue walking. While the control scheme does a good job showing how hard it would be to control a real robot, it makes the game a little too easy. It’s a little too easy to make your robot character get attacked by the terrorized zombies. (Obviously that’s the objective of the game.)

A weird thing I noticed is the discrepancy between the realism of your robot and the awkward shuffling of the zombies. It’s true that we real zombies often have difficulty walking, but the animation in RE2 is too stiff. It’s almost seems like even the zombies… are…

!

Robots!

The zombies are robots, too!!

Bravo, Capcom! I applaud you. In a world filled with zombie games only you had the balls to make a game about a robotic police officer terrorizing a city filled with peace-loving zombots. Clearly Capcom are not afraid to take risks with their intellectual property. They could easily have made a typical zombies vs. humans game, but they chose to risk everything on a whimsical idea.

I hope it pays off for them. For some reason none of the video game blogs are talking about this ground-breaking new game. But I am confident that in a few weeks the internet will understand this awesome zombot apocalypse simulator. I hope they make more of them. (For example, I would really like it if, instead of dark cities, Capcom made a game set in a brightly lit rural area where your robot gets chased by angry tribal people. That would be truly spectaculum!)

That’s all, filthy readers! Thanks for reading my second yearly weekly review about a video game. If I don’t get thrown into a volcano I will be sure to write another review next times! HAHA OBVIOUSLY IT WILL BE A GAME THAT IS NOT THE GAME I DID THIS TIME! WHY WOULD I DO THAT? IT WOULD BE SILLY. SORRY IF THERE WAS ANY CONFUSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Edit: I forgot to mention the fact that this game is called Resident Evil 2, even though there is no Resident Evil 1. This is because it uses a Star Wars style naming system. The first Star Wars, if you remember, was actually called Episode 5: BDSM Daddy Mounts the Galaxy (Part 2). It’s a good movie, but the part where all the white plastic guys shoot laser guns is too unrealistic and violent for my tastes.)