Hello dear friends! My name is Zombie Orwell. Like all of you I am also a zombie but unlike you I write video game reviews!
I am now beginning most gracious salutations for your benefit. You are reading A WEEKLY ANNUAL VIDEO GAME REVIEW THAT I POST EVERY WEEK!!!! This week I will pretend that I’m reviewing a game for the IGN Gaming Website, so I will use their format! Let’s go.
Today this week I review Amy. It is a videogum about a human person called Amy who lives on a train with an unnamed little girl. Oh, and there is a train man who asks a lot of questions. And he wears a hat. But then the lights go out and Amy walks around for a bit until she gets eaten by a zombie.
I haven’t done my Wiki research but I am pretty sure that Amy is a documentary about Amy Winehouse. In her smash hit “You Know I’m No Good” Amy declares “I cheated myself.” I believe this is a video game reference because in games you can cheat. And since Ms Winehouse was playing her eponymous documentary game using cheat codes, she was, COMICALLY, cheating her very self!!! That is a paradoxical mindfrak! How Orwellian.
I think the game is a very tasteful depiction of Amy’s final moments as a human. Most pre-zombies do not get interactive documentaries about their deaths, but it is very interesting to see what actually happened to her.
The graphics aren’t as good as seeing the Winehouse in person, because she is a very beautiful zombie and obviously she is much bigger than a 32” television screen (haha otherwise she would be a tiny lady and she would have trouble holding a microphone!! That is funny to me!) So overall the visuals get a 6/10 simply because anytime you get to see Amy Winehorse it is a good day lol am I right fellas lolol here’s a picture about Amy Winehouse when she was a pre-zombie.
Again I have to compare this game to the real Womanly Object viz Amy McWineRanch. Her illustrious and sultry and chivalrous voice causes reverberations of air that make my ears very happy. So the
sound gets a score of LOVE out of 10.
Well, I usually try to avoid sex apples and other issues of the groin because it is not NSFW appropriate, but since I am using IGN’s review structure I don’t have a choice. As I said many times Amy is very lovely. When she was alive, she would have been very delectable to eat. But now that she’s a zombie like me obviously I can’t eat her, which is unfortunate because I’m really hungry.
Anyway back to the sex apple. I think that this game does a disservice to the woman it’s based on. Basically you spend all your time walking around a train station looking for zombies who want to eat Amy. Once you find the zombies sometimes they will attack and eat you, but usually they shuffle around like they don’t have zombie noses. Let’s discuss controls:
The controller is white and it has a cord that connects to the Xbox. I also have a black one that doesn’t have a cord. Overall I prefer the black cordless one because it looks cooler and I don’t have to wrap a cord around it. But I mostly use the white one because it doesn’t require batteries. I only use the wireless one if a friend is playing with me. So the controllers work fine. 10/10
To summarize: I think that Amy is fantastic. She is a very fine lady with good music and a nice video game documentary about how she died. In fact, you might say she is a real beauty. Her radiance infests my eyes when I look at her.
Of course, I am describing a video game rather than a woman, but the humor lies in my double entendre comical conflation of Video Game and Womanly Object of Desire.
I rate this game: 8 infested eyeballs out of 14.
The review is over and I am complimenting your excellent taste! Truly you are a person of quality. I have determined this by seeing that you have read my whole review and gained many important facts about Amy Winehouse and her violent documentary. I will see you next week for another annual installment of video game reviews. (I WON’T ALWAYS USE THE IGN FORMAT BUT SINCE THIS IS MY FIRST REVIEW I NEEDED SOMETHING STRUCTURED. GOODBYE HONEY!!!!)